By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
No matter what age the
person is when it
happens, a breakup or divorce turns
their whole world
upside-down. If there's any
relationship advice
we'd like to
give it's to know that you are not alone and there are ways to heal and feel
good
again--or maybe for the first time.
If this has happened to you, whether recently or many years ago, you may not
realize that your future
success in relationships is directly
related to how much
you learn from that
breakup and how you move forward in your life.
As Relationship Coaches, we've identified several ways to healing a
broken
heart and moving forward with your life after a breakup or divorce. We've found
that these are places in your life that you must deal with in order to
heal, let go and
move on to
creating more love in your life.
To help you on your way to getting over your breakup, here are a few hints:
1: Allow yourself the space and time to grieve the relationship without
wallowing
in your grief. When there has been a
relationship breakup,
it’s often tempting to
wallow in your pain—to play music that
reminds you of
your old partner, to visit
places where you went together as a couple,
and to
constantly think about that
other person. If you find yourself doing this and
it is causing you pain, stop doing
it. Take time to cry everyday if you need to but don't keep yourself stuck in it
by focusing on what was.
2: Begin learning how to build relationship trust. When there has been a breakup and
you have been
hurt, it’s often difficult to open your heart one more time. Take the time
to
begin learning to trust again and that begins with learning to trust yourself. It
doesn't mean rushing into dating again but it does mean learning to trust
yourself and
your ability to discern what it is that you want. Take some time and decide what
you
do want.
3:If you had
jealousy issues in the
relationship that broke up, you need to overcome
jealousy
before you get in a new relationship. You may have been in a
series of past relationships
where your partner cheated on you. You may have low self-esteem issues. You may
have had a habit of flirting with
people other than your partner to get your partner’s
attention. Whatever the reason,
jealousy eventually tends to destroy relationships and
the time to heal it is
now as you examine what happened in your last relationship and
take responsibility for healing within yourself.
4: If infidelity was an
issue in your previous relationship, whether you or your partner
were the one who was unfaithful, make
sure that you take the time
to figure out how the
relationship went wrong and what you might have done differently. In many
cases,
affairs
would never happen if
people understood how each person sabotages the
relationship.
Because people don’t
take the time to figure out what their part
in the relationship
breakup was, when they get
into new relationships, those
relationships often end in
break ups and divorce
also. Take the time and energy to find out how the relationship
took a wrong turn.
5: In order to heal and move on from a relationship
breakup, you have to begin envisioning
what you want for a new romantic
relationship and how you want romance to show up
in
your life. While we certainly don't encourage you to get back into a
relationship until you've
done some introspection, part of the process is deciding what you want. We’ve found that
when you have a clear idea about exactly what
you want in a
new relationship, that type
of relationship comes to you and your
perfect partner will show up.
Many
people feel that
it isn’t possible to attract a soul mate to you but we know
that it is.
There are many free relationship
advice resources that deal with helping you get over breakups.
We suggest that you do some reading and then
begin shaping your life the way you want it to be.
Check out our sites for more
relationship help--
http://www.RelationshipGold.com
and our blog --
http://www.SusieandOtto.com